i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
