the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
