the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
