So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
