Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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