There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
