I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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