dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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