having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
