I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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