i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
