I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just had sex bonerless
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
