I accidentally had phone sex last night
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
