nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
