im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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