i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
