I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
