remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
