see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
