You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
