What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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