oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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