i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i think im in europe. pls send help
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
