I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
