Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
