do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
