He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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