Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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