he puts the penis in happiness.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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