people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
even my farts smell like vagina
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
