I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
