bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
