Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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