Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
