Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
