Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
