dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
