Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
