If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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