Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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