I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
