Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
