she told me i tasted like america
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
