By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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