My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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