I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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