sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
