and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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