I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
