we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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