Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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