i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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