Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
