Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I touched a dick in church today
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
