I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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