i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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